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If my addiction showed me anything it was that I suffered from a spiritual malady.
I was restless, irritable and discontent in life, so I used drugs and alcohol to cover up these feelings, and I was also doing it in relationships.
My happiness can’t be reliant upon whether I’m in a relationship or not because that increases the chances of me getting into another toxic relationship.If I were to get into a bad relationship and fall head-over-heels in love like I always do, it may be a quick path to relapse, which could potentially kill me.Something that was made very apparent to me is that us addicts are extremely selfish, self-centered and self seeking.Early sobriety is all about learning how to live like a normal person, and I had no clue how to do that, so it’d be unfair to drag someone into that situation with me.I stayed in California for my first year of sobriety because I knew I couldn’t be a good father to my son, a good friend to my friends or anything else until I worked on myself, so it would be insane for me to think that I could be a good boyfriend to anyone until I grew more as a person.
As with my moment of clarity about drugs and alcohol, I had to sit back and think about what else I was using to fill this void, and the answer was women. Dating someone made me feel loved, wanted and cared for.